I know these scars will heal

but I pray they never fade
'cause I need a reminder of the mistakes I have made

All my life I've been good at making myself bleed.
I don't really sleep anymore. There's too much on my mind.
He makes me happy and life makes me sad, and sometimes I still can't forgive myself for mistakes I made over a year ago. "Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it." I've learned more than I can handle. I've learned that the world is prettier when I'm not wearing glasses. I've learned that I'd rather someone leave me than have to live with the knowledge that I left someone else. I've learned who my friends are, and I've learned that the only reason I can't hurt myself anymore is because when I do, it hurts people who love me.
I've learned that I feel self-obsessed when I write things like this, but I need to get it out of my brain somehow.
I spend a lot of time waiting on him.
That's okay by me.
People are stupid, and I am a person too.

I always told myself I'd never stop creating.
My camera broke, I can't take pictures.
My heart broke, I can't write songs.
This isn't art, this is my brain.

Yeah, hi.

I'm back from my blogging hiatus.
Because I have my own computer now.
So it's not a pain to deal with anymore.

Life updates:
The boy I used to write love songs about broke up with me.
I have a new boyfriend. I'm not in love with him. But I do like him a lot.

I have a vision for what this blog is going to become. Take three. Let's do this thing.

apache rose peacock?!

My way with words is on it's way to a full recovery. :)

This song is [obviously] still in the works, and I haven't decided if I like it or not. 

if I still prayed I'd be thinking of you

if I still thought I'd be praying in your footsteps 

in a world of rhyme schemes and chalkboard-numbers 

indefinable's not one of a kind

take time to wonder

but please don't  mind

fill up my inbox when I'm gone

this gypsy life gets me every time 

and you can leave the girl who loves me

back in Carolina, but it's getting stronger

weeks can't get much longer

back and forth and inside-out

but everything's the same

alike, alone, inane 

please try a little harder 

to comprehend my lingo

I know it's a little out there

but I'll trace it in the snow

and if I slip a love note

into your trench-coat pocket

it's because your on my mind

and I don't know how to show

you everything I mean

when I say I love you too

I'm pinning scrap paper to my walls

in hopes of you

if you have to ask

Blood Sugar Sex Magik by the Red Hot Chili Peppers is an amazing album, and I'd think so no matter how I obtained it. Anyone who likes psychedelic rock, funk, or alternative needs to listen to it. In fact, even if you don't listen to any of those, check it out anyways. 

Lately I've been having a horrible case of writer's block.

Symptoms:

inability to write anything even remotely original

inability to rhyme adequately 

inability to think up any good melodies or rhythms.

Swine flu?

And of course all of this is accompanied by an  intense desire to write.  Woohoo!

In other news, there is a receipt hanging on my wall, I want to learn drums so badly that I'm kind of dying, and my uncle gave me a camera!

I love it, and I'm already taking a ton of pictures, but I can't find the stupid unloader thingy... >< 

i'm too creepy for my own good.

I follow blogs of people I don't know.
Go me.
(I figured it was creepier to just stalk them regularly.)

it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind

This week has been weird. 

But mildly amazing.

Sunday: EYC pool party. A great deal of fepic fun, all in the Granger's salty pool!

Monday: Cleaning, schoolwork, and missing you.

Tuesday: Shopping with Allie, Haleigh, and DAVID. We are a force to be feared. We have plans. And Upscalators. 

Wednesday: Same as Monday, but Summer came over around ten, and we talked for ages and she payed me 30 bucks to do some artsy odd jobs for her. Then I stayed up until one in the morning talking to people. Your parting comment was one of the best I've ever heard/read in my life.

Thursday: I'm leaving for THEA in about an hour. Eek. :)

"In fact, I'm pretty sure."

Molly took the What is the First Letter of the Person Who Secretly Loves You?quiz and got the result: M..
M: The name of the person who lovesy to sweep yo you will start with the letter M. He/She will treat you like royalty. They have the right personality that will know you off your feet and leave you feeling breathless. 

Possible names: Mark, Michael, Michelle, Melissa

this one needs a disclaimer

This song... I'm really not sure about it.
I'm currently rearranging my thoughts on god.
You can most likely tell that from the lyrics.
It's not really about god, though.

It's just a really big analogy.
For... I don't know.
It's not knocking on god. That is all. =P

I need to shout

into the holy darkness

I need to pray

to a god who isn't there

and every Sunday

I go searching for a savior

but love is my messiah

and no one seems to care.

So I'll stay awake

with him when he's in the garden

and I'll wait three days

without saying the word

I'll sing empty praises

until I find the answer

I'm reciting my lines

but none of it is heard.

it's all so right

when we're sitting in the silence

I can close my eyes

and I like what I see

I don't know

if you really think I'm beautiful

but I really think

that you're pretty damn convincing.

I was never one

to believe unless I saw it

I was always one

to look before I leap

I couldn't believe

in god or love or anything

but then I saw you

I guess love believed in me.

I'm still holding on 

to fragments of what I started

I need to compose

all my thoughts into a song

but there's something strange

that I see in my reflection

there is something there

I ain't seen since she's been gone.

it's all so right

when we're sitting in the silence

I can close my eyes

and I like what I see

I don't know

if you really think I'm beautiful

but I really think

that you're pretty damn convincing.

Somewhere along those lines

I see it lurking in the alleys

or the corners of his eyes

or the shadows of her mind

but it's the liquid love

that is pumping with each heartbeat

and I can't shake the feeling

I ought to see it all the time.

and now looking back

I never felt a presence

like the feel of his breath

on the back of my neck

or the flattened grass

where we have been dancing

I guess I was just dreaming

your new love is too high tech.

it's all so right

when we're sitting in the silence

I can close my eyes

and I like what I see

I don't know

if you really think I'm beautiful

but I really think

that you're pretty damn convincing.

it's all so right

when we're sitting in the silence

I can close my eyes

and I like what I see

I don't know

if you really think I'm beautiful

but I really think

that you're pretty damn convincing.

i've already got friday on my mind

RULES: 1.Put your iPod... or iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW CRAZY IT SOUNDS.


IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Why can't we be friends?

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Hungry heart.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
All I want is you. (that... is kind of adorable.)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Desolation row.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Part of your world. (Again with the adorable.)

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Walking in Memphis.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Your sweetest mistake. :)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Don't Forget Me.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Something. (Hah. you know it.)

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Help! (lol, dyslexia.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Crush on you. (absolutely.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Turn the page.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Minor thing. (No!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I could die for you (...yikes :P)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Because.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
100 years. (lol.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Out in the street.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Werewolves of London...! :D

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Leave me alone (I'm lonely) ...aw.

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Midnight.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
From me to you.

My Name Is... Layla.

i miss the sound of your voice

loudest thing in my head

and I ache to remember

all the violent, sweet, prefect words that you said.

I rarely like modern music, but I really love this guy's voice.

it's not like i'm repeating myself or anything

After all that

and you'd still take me back?

What impeccable love 

could this be?

but I turn away

fuck the world

keeping my middle finger

ever handy

you know I still believe

teach yourself to say no, children

and impromptu plans

might edge out of your life

unwelcome summer loving

unconsensual romance

is really quite the ride

but there's no need to oblige 

ruining your psyche was her opus

despite everyone's denying lies

you fell in love with a shadow

a shallow medley of a person

who's everything I despise

but looking back, that was me

that was always me standing there

I never guessed you'd care

back through the looking glass again

vicious cycles with no end

you're the one that I'm proud

to still call my friend

After all that

and you'd still take me back?

What impeccable love 

could this be?

but I turn away

fuck the world

keeping my middle finger

ever handy

you know I still believe

teach yourself to say no, children

and impromptu plans

might edge out of your life

unwelcome summer loving

unconsensual romance

is really quite the ride

but there's no need to oblige 

bonding as bookworms with stagefright

and humid summer nights

I still remember the day

you kissed me goodbye

forever

little did you know

I was biding time

there's constantly the other

who takes the limelight from your eyes

of how it was before

I think this one might actually be goin' somewhere.

I'll attempt to finish it tonight.

Yay me!

I like it. It's indie as hell, particularly once you hear it sung.

I like indie music, but I write more of my music with a more soft rock, 

Eagles and early U2 feel,
(maybe a bit of RHCP influence, listen to the album By the Way...)
and it then it gets indie-afied by the lovely Johanna. :)

Okay, so yeah, here goes...

Kings and queens and answer keys,

trend-setter wannabes,

everyone but you is looking back at me.

Unless I'm in your arms,

there's some place I'd rather be.

I can't get you off my mind,

I can't stand these painful weeks,

I just need to hit rewind.

I guess I'll talk to you online.

I miss you but I'll be fine.

And I think I love you.

It's more than a thought

it's a feeling deep inside of me

maybe if I say it out loud

it'll make it true.

but I can't get the courage

to just look you in the eye

and say 3, 2, 1, boy, I think I love you.

You can't kiss and make up,

when you weren't mad in the first place.

But you can kiss me anyway, 

I think that that would be okay.

There is nothing left to say

except I think I love you.

It's more than a thought

it's a feeling deep inside of me

maybe if I say it out loud

it'll make it true.

but I can't get the courage

to just look you in the eye

and say 3, 2, 1, boy, I think I love you.

I guess it's called hoping for you.

I've been writing parts of songs and not finishing them lately.

Bad Molly, bad...

I'm  hoping to actually complete this one.

We shall see.

I'm not positive it's any good, but I rarely am.

So that doesn't really mean anything.

Anywho, read on...

And I

watched the lightning shake the sky

no matter how hard I wish

you're not by my side

I'm craving the touch of someone

at this point anyone will do

but I'm hoping for you.

The pale summer rain 

can't touch me

you're all that keeps me sane

but you can't love me

I guess I'm the kind of girl 

who wants to see things through

'cause I'm still hoping for you.

In the end, someone loses, someone wins.

Your worst enemies might be your best friends.

We can't know who misses out

when they say goodbye.

Echoes of laughter fill my ears

remember joy, retrace your tears

I remember what it's like

to have nothing left to lose.

But I kept hoping for you. 

Five things to make me smile today.

1. My mom bought me an Oreo Milkshake from The Loop.
2. http://www.mylifeisg.com/
3. Billy Joel.
4. The 22nd of June is 14 days away. that's right, count 'em.
5. The fact that I didn't have to struggle to think of things for this list.
6. The fact that I'm now adding more numbers because I keep thinking of more things.
7. The fact that Pippa's coming back soon.
8. Sister Golden Hair by America.
9. My wall-to-wall with my boyfriend.
10. My wall-to-wall with my best friend.

Listening: She Came in Through the Bathroom Window, The Beatles. Pride (In the Name of Love), U2. Play that Funky Music, Wild Cherry.

way upon the mountain where she died

I got dosed by you and 

Closer than most to you and 

What am I supposed to do 

Take it away I never had it anyway 

Take it away and everything will be okay 

In you a star is born and 

You cut a perfect form and 

Someone forever warm 

Lay on lay on lay on lay on 

Lay on lay on lay on lay on

(dosed, the red hot chili peppers.) 

The Red Hot Chili Peppers always inspire me to write music...

Just going through the motions

week after week and day after day

memories of emotions 

weekend to weekend 'til it fades away

but wait, slow down

it can't all end so quickly

when it just started

why hide from the storm

when you could kiss in the rain?

Then Monday rolls around again

and it's back to the mundane 

but there's the thought of shining hours

that keep you sane.

Acid rain on the hood of my car

can't seem to accelerate

but we're getting so far

living weekend to weekend is how we do it

gotta savor every moment or you might not get through it.

(This was in my notebook. I think I wrote it during church.)

Speaking of things I wrote during church:

What I am going to name my first-born son:

Obama The President Of The United States God Mom Garrett Stein-Seroussi Jesus Christ (Superstar) Chuck-Norris Jackie Chan Jack Sparrow Tyler Hansborough The Kid From Second Hand Lions Whose Name I Can't Recall David Oglesby Harry Potter McDonough the third.

What I am going to name my second-born son:

Eric Clapton Janis Joplin Bruce Springsteen Rhinanna feat. Jay-Z Kid who's sitting in the pew in front of me and has dinosaurs on his shirt and overalls I'm on a boat Ziggy Marley Pippa Adam Billy Joel t-shirt from Hot Topic that I never found, darnit, Micheal Pass Sister golden Hair by America (god, I love that song) fmylife.com facebook McDonough Jr.

...it's very, very, VERY possible that Alaina and I should pay more attention to the service in the future... 

All the same old cliches, is it woman, is it man?

Kings and queens and answer keys,

trend-setter wannabes,

everyone but you is looking back at me.

Unless I'm in your arms,

there's some place I'd rather be.

I can't get you off my mind,

I can't stand these painful weeks,

I just need to hit rewind.

I guess I'll talk to you online.

I miss you but I'll be fine.

And I think I love you.

She wanted to start their new life with a college degree.

A few days ago (Wednesday, maybe?) I wrote... uhm... something.

I guess one could call it an epic poem with a tune.

Or a song with no verses and no chorus.

And one weird rhyme scheme.

(Not that that's anything new in my songs.)

I... seriously don't know what the heck it is.

Anyways.

I'm contemplating posting it...

But I probably won't.

The problem is, it's... just not very good.

I like the idea behind it just fine, but it's not that great.

Ponder...

Listening: You may be Right, Billy Joel. Yellow Submarine, The Beatles. 

I think we've got something here...

Johanna recorded "Sweetest Mistake."

And I'm a little bit in love with it. :)

http://polaroidpictures.tumblr.com/

Into repeat, and it's getting old.

Not a check yes or no kind of love
not watered down or suitable for children
Head in the clouds, one foot on the ground
I can't concentrate on work when my world's spinning 'round

Skeletons in your closet are fine
as long as you don't let clinking bones
keep you awake at night
and you can't waste your time waiting for a sign
when you could just make your own.

I can't break through to you
when you're speaking in
binary code, exes and oh's
and the marks on your palms
even they can't define
what he means when he says
what's he's feeling inside
don't bother writing it down
you'll never capture the sound
and pictures fade
it's much too cliche
but it's true
only love can stay the same.

Kindly fuck off, this is tougher than it seems

you're about to hit the road again, guess I'll see you in my dreams

the morning after, I refuse to file regrets

Polaroid pictures insure I'll never forget

Slap a name tag on each feeling

hello, my name is love

even though he's the only one

envy is a loaded gun

you're looking down the barrel

all I ever asked for was a broken heart

you can't seem to deliver 

should've seen it from the start

I can't break through to you
when you're speaking in
binary code, exes and oh's
and the marks on your palms
even they can't define
what he means when he says
what's he's feeling inside
don't bother writing it down
you'll never capture the sound
and pictures fade
it's much too cliche
but it's true
only love can stay the same.

I took the Polaroid down from my room, I'm pretty sure you have a new girlfriend.

It's not as if I don't like you

it just makes me sad whenever I see it

'cause I like to be gone most of the time

And you like to be home most of the time

If I stay in one place I lose my mind

I'm a pretty impossible lady to be with

I sent "Sweetest Mistake" to David because he somehow talked me into it.

He told me I'm a good writer, and also that his brother is really good at writing music, and we should collaborate. He also suggested that I take the word "ridiculously" out of the song, but that's there for a reason. :)

I don't really want this blog to turn into one big rant about how happy I am.

Today I wrote a list of things I want. 

• Some french fries. 
• My schoolwork to do itself.
• Friday. 
• Aerosmith tickets. (zz tops is opening. PLEASE GOD.)
• My boyfriend. (This goes with number two, but I thought it deserves it's own bullet point.)
• Pippa to come back.
• Pippa to STAY back.
• Everything to stay this wonderful forever.
  

None of this happened. =P

Maxwell plays the fool again

New song. Old one failed. =P

Not a check yes or no kind of love
not watered down or suitable for children
Head in the clouds, one foot on the ground
I can't concentrate on work when my world's spinning 'round

Skeletons in your closet are fine
as long as you don't let clinking bones
keep you awake at night
and you can't waste your time waiting for a sign
when you could just make your own.

I can't break through to you
when you're speaking in
binary code, exes and oh's
and the marks on your palms
even they can't define
what he means when he says
what's he's feeling inside
don't bother writing it down
you'll never capture the sound
and pictures fade
it's much too cliche
but it's true
only love can stay the same.


Listening: New Years Day, U2, Maxwell's Silver Hammer, The Beatles.

She can take the subway back to the ghetto tonight.

Yesterday was my church's picnic.
My group (which consists of most of the younger teens) wanted to go find a shady place to sit (out of earshot of the adults) so we found a pine tree WAY across the field to sit under. We played the chore game, argued a bit about whether or not being gay was a choice (the fact that I had a gay person on my side of the argument helped considerably) planned a trip to California in a yellow 1965 ford mustang convertible (I'm providing the car, Deborah's in charge of the Oreos and gas money), and talked about religion a little.
And then one of the girls looked at me and said "Molly, I've been looking at your pictures on facebook, and it seems like you have a perfect life."
I laughed. "Why?"
"Because you hang out with a bunch of very cool looking people at Weaver street weekly, and that's, like, my favorite place in the world."
"Yeah, we're there every Friday. It's fun. And they are really cool. Amazing, even."
"You're really lucky."
A year ago I would've rolled my eyes and said something along the lines of "you don't know my life" in my head.
Six months ago I would've laughed and told her I just don't take pictures when I'm unhappy.
Three months ago I would've shrugged and not said anything at all.
But it's not then, it's now.
"Yeah, pretty much the luckiest person in the world."

I don't know why I felt like sharing that. But I did.

Well I've got some beer and the highway's free,
and I've got you and baby you've got me.
Hey hey hey, what do you say, Sherry darlin'?
Hey hey hey, what do you say, Sherry darlin'?
Woah-oh-oh
Hey hey hey, what do you say, Sherry darlin'?

Listening: Peaceful Easy Feeling, the Eagles, With or Without You, U2.

Two hearts are better than one.

11:11, make a wish.
Oh right.
I already have everything I could ever want.
Happiness makes me boring.
Maybe for once I'll sing someone else's words.

She's in love with the world.

But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading.
She calls and says are you alright?
I said I must be fine
because my heart's still beating.

"He's so endearingly in love with you. I love watching other people's love, it makes me so happy."
(Statements like that make me so happy.)

Also, I'm writing a song.
I... don't actually agree with most of it, but, erm... whatever.

V1:
If my heart stops skipping beats
then no, I don't want it
I won't want it anymore
Cassandra and Antigone learned the hard way
I'll collect their mistakes
I'd rather head for the door
you told me it all fades to grey
when love becomes routine
another color drifts away

I'm not the type of girl
to wait by the phone
I can't live in someone else's words
when I've got plenty of my own

chorus:
And in the end, everybody dies alone
and in the end, the peace we fought for can't save us
grit your teeth, teach your children to hate
in the end, it's your only escape from the weight
of the world.

Love, or something ignites in my veins.

And I pray it never fades.
In white houses.

I need something else to talk about.
I need something else to think about.
This might have a little something to do with the fact that nothing happens in my life.
Ever.
Except for weekends, which feel like little clips from someone else's life...
And I can't even remember the good part.
Why the hell can't I remember the good part?!
(All of it's the good part. All of it matters. I can't become her. I won't.)
I need to stop rereading that piece of conversation.

Part of me is counting down the days to June 22nd.
Part of me is trying to make time stand still, and is being pulled kicking and screaming through May and towards July.
It's a weird, ridiculous, horribly torn feeling.

I'm sorry for whatever I've done wrong.
I'm sorry for whatever I've forgotten to do.
Will someone just tell me what I'm screwing up?
I want to be a good person, but I can't be until I know what to do.

[[you'd miss him. you love him. it's possible to love more than just one person, you know. but I'm glad I'm your favorite. I love you.]]

Well.

Virtual hugs are nice, real ones are better.
But you told me just what I needed to hear.


(and if it's all I want to talk about, it's because it's all that's on my mind. Remember that this is new to me still.)

Do you believe in falling in love with a stranger?

If it's love than it could be
a chance worth taking
but how do you decide
which mistake's worth making?

The only thing I don't recall
is that kiss, or is it two?
moments bleed together
when it's me and you.

Chorus:
Ticket stubs for one night stands
glass hearts shatter on the road
to perfection, yeah.
we all know it's over before it began
the situation's out of my hands
so goodbye, and godspeed,
I'll see you tomorrow, in my dreams
in my dreams.

Fate's spinning empty bottles
on the pavement of your heart
if you can't change it
all that's left's to play your part.

think again, check your vital signs,
it's still beating,
everyone cares sometimes
even if you're leaving.

Chorus:
Ticket stubs for one night stands
glass hearts shatter on the road
to perfection, yeah.
we all know it's over before it began
the situation's out of my hands
so goodbye, and godspeed,
I'll see you tomorrow, in my dreams
in my dreams.

You seemed to epitomize
all the lies I'd love to lead
living forever's easy
I'd hoped that you'd agree.

Maybe the pretty girl
isn't the one you need
have you ever thought of that?

Chorus:
Ticket stubs for one night stands
glass hearts shatter on the road
to perfection, yeah.
we all know it's over before it began
the situation's out of my hands
so goodbye, and godspeed,
I'll see you tomorrow, in my dreams
in my dreams.
so goodbye, and godspeed,
I'll see you tomorrow, in my dreams
in my dreams.

Hey hey hey, what do ya say, Sherry darlin'?

bits of songs with no home. let's see where this goes.
(I like tridents.)


Pin it on the other people
you can't see the doubt, it's become
so matter-of-fact that it's true.
woah
there's no looking back for you
tonight you're not the only one
we're back where we've begun
seems to be, suddenly, the circle of life

You seemed to epitomize
all the lies I'd love to lead
living forever's easy
I hoped that you'd agree
false starts and one night stands
glass hearts can shatter on the stepping-stones
to perfection

if you can't keep her out of your mind
she's meant to stay there
you must be dreaming, girl

Trying and failing to write a song, over and over and over...

I have pieces of verses, and hundreds of tunes, but nothing's wanting to come together into a song.
The mosquito bites are fading, but I scratched the one on my elbow until it was raw and it bled a bit. So that's no fun. =P
I like this song, fyi. Listen to it.
(4)

Take Two.

It's funny how an IM can make my heart skip a beat.
If I'm going to bed with that in my mind, I'm never gonna sleep, but that's alright, it's a good kind of tired as hell.
I feel like this ridiculous happiness should come crashing down at some point, like it always does, but it just keeps building and building and building... And to think that, what, a month ago? I thought it was all ending.
My paranoia isn't getting the better of me this time, though.
You told me so.
And you wrote it down.
=)

I know he's not perfect, there's no bubble to pop, but he doesn't have to be.
He's perfect for me.


PS- the only things that are wrong in my life right now are 1- my feet itch. 2- I'm not ready for you to leave. But my feet only itch because I got bitten by mosquitos when I was laying on the grass at weaver street. The second, well, there's nothing I can do about it.
But it still sucks.
So much.
Gah.

He told me so.

=)

Dance, Dance.

"I only want sympathy in the the form of you crawling into bed with me."


1. I thought I knew you better than that. I guess she thought so too.

2. Give it a break, kiddo, I love you, but... that's desperate. I'm sorry.

3. You've never been in love. Stop fooling yourself.

Post number 125, can I get a w00t w00t?

I had a bit of this yesterday, as evidenced by my previous post, and it turned into a song. Woohoo.

Verse one:
It's the day after
the best day of your life
nowhere to go from here
trapped in the hemisphere
of how it was before

And I've been selfish
slammed the door behind me
and I forgot the key
we’ll always have the memories

I'm your second-best friend
and the shadow on your shoulder
I either love you or I hate you
I haven't decided yet
but there's something
ridiculously beautiful
inside your pretty head
and that's what I don't get

Chorus:
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one
in this whole town awake

Verse two:
You smile a little
when I catch your eye
but I know that you're thinkin'
'bout his hand in mine

and it's impossible
just to let it be
all those meddling words
pull me back to reality

I'm your second-best friend
and the shadow on your shoulder
I either love you or I hate you
I haven't decided yet
but there's something
ridiculously beautiful
inside your pretty head
and that's what I don't get

Chorus:
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one
in this whole town awake

Bridge:
you said you thought you knew
who was on my mind
you were right
there's no second-guessing
in this new life of mine
don’t scare the clouds away
I’d rather dance in the rain
This amazing love
Is always worth the pain

Chorus: (decrescendo)
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one
in this whole town awake
(crescendo)
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one
in this whole town awake.

We go down to the river, my baby and I.

Bits of song. No clue where this is going yet. We shall see. =P

When the sun rises they’re all the same
Except for those kids with the incandescent glow
Normalcy isn’t really our way
We learned to cast our shadows on the snow
Eventually you fade back to reality
But for a moment, you’re standing in the sun
For a moment, you’re the only one
worth keeping at all

the day after the best day of your life
no where to go from here
trapped in the hemisphere
of how it was before
If I would notice you
it would be from the floor up

I'm your second-best friend
and the shadow on your shoulder
I either love you or I hate you
I haven't decided yet
but there's something
ridiculously beautiful
inside your pretty head
but that's what I don't get
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one awake

Those Fairytales

I am cranking songs out like crazyyyyy. No idea why, I'm just on a kick, I guess. I wrote the chorus to this a long while ago, but it just now got a song to live in. The verses are being a bit troublesome in the way of a tune, but I think it's worked itself out.
This is the only song I've ever written that has poetic fluff in it, actually, the chorus isn't relevant to ANYTHING, and it wasn't when I when I wrote it, either.
Hmm.
Well, I think it's good anyways? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Verse one
this world can be so insincere
right when no one owes you anything
you find out you've been living a lie
and all the empty happiness
you've surrounded yourself in
isn't keeping you warm
it's buried you alive

Chorus
And it's no use chasing those fairy tales of yours
and it's no use knocking on all those empty doors
And he ain't ever gonna say I love you
and he ain't gonna stay to see it through
But know that he does
and know that he wants to

Verse two
Years and years away from your happy ending
press your fists to the paper
or anything that holds the ink
infatuation's better fitting
the word love is too hard-hitting
the earth is spinning, I can't tell you what to think

Chorus
And it's no use chasing those fairy tales of yours
and it's no use knocking on all those empty doors
And he ain't ever gonna say I love you
and he ain't gonna stay to see it through
But know that he does
and know that he wants to

Verse three
Who would've thought
satan would have
such a beautiful face?
Who would've thought
hell would find you
in such a peaceful place?
And it's just another Sunday
in this awful paradise
another paradox, so logical and concise

Chorus
And it's no use chasing those fairy tales of yours
and it's no use knocking on all those empty doors
And he ain't ever gonna say I love you
and he ain't gonna stay to see it through
But know that he does
and know that he wants to

Coda
you see me in her reflection
but I can't fit in her looking glass
good luck chasing white rabbits
it's a whole other class
of dreaming

And another.

I'm not sure why I've been on such a song writing kick lately, but I wrote another one this morning and I've already begun two more. Last night I started on one, but it was giving me a lot of trouble so it's off in the word document of DOOM, where it'll fester for a while until I look through it, pull it out, and allow it to give me even more grief. I believe this one is called either "Chase the Nightmares Away" or "The Train that's never Coming." If you have any better ideas, tell me. If not, tell me your favorite one in the comments, I guess? =P

Chorus:
Sitting downtown
waiting on a train that's never coming
you rode it once
but in a drug-induced haze
cigarette butts
litter the pavement, clog your mind, can't be mine, that's okay.
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away

Verse one:
I'm reading
between all your maybes
there's traces of how it used to be still left in my eyes
I think of you
and I smile half-heartedly
join the queue, you can hold her hand
while you wait on me
this is where we're at, where we're supposed to be
But you're still lagging behind
the times.

chorus:
Sitting downtown
waiting on a train that's never coming
you rode it once
but in a drug-induced haze
cigarette butts
litter the pavement, clog your mind, can't be mine, that's okay.
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away

Verse two:
She loves you
just as much as she ever did
now that you're through
let the panic sink in
lock the doors,
make sure to burn all your bridges
but keep the key on a chain 'round your neck
you'll never know when you'll need it next
under vanilla skies,
you see the clouds forming
but you don't mind,
you never mind much these days.
Except for sometimes
when the sun's setting
and I feel the need to rub it in your face

Chrous:
Sitting downtown
waiting on a train that's never coming
you rode it once
but in a drug-induced haze
cigarette butts
litter the pavement, clog your mind, can't be mine, that's okay.
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away

Verse three:
armed with band-aids
and lipstick and cue-cards,
I'm halfway there
someone wrote my name backstage
that undeserved reputation is looking back
through cucumber eyes
you know it's hypothetical
and summer was regrettable
but love is never wise

Chorus:
Sitting downtown
waiting on a train that's never coming
you rode it once
but in a drug-induced haze
cigarette butts
litter the pavement, clog your mind, can't be mine, that's okay.
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'll always chase your nightmares away.

I FINISHED THE SONG, YAY ME!

Also, I'm gonna teach this song to Johanna, I believe, as I want to hear it sung.
And maybe she'll allow me to record it?
Who knows. This collaboration could be the start of something beautiful. =P

verse one:
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
he'll make it through, make it through the night
and you take a minute just to take it all in
and you lean a little closer 'cause you know that I'm your friend
I'm done flipping back calendar pages for good.

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

verse two:
it's almost too late to be today
but we're just getting started
I can feel you breathing, I see why he's brokenhearted
it's just another addiction
he's always felt best when he's on
cheap booze and cocaine
blood and music ease the pain
oh

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

verse three:
When I'm sitting in the grass
in your arms, he can't be on my mind
and even if I glance his way I'm still glad that you're mine
there's something there, there always was
but it's a one way street,
I tear up a little but this grief is bittersweet

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

bridge:
Don't say goodbye, never say goodbye,
it's not the end 'til it's over
don't lose your heart to a woman so cold.
I'm always in your rearview mirror, can't define amazing
You didn't glitter yesterday but I could see the gold
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
we'll make it through, make it through the night.

Can't read my poker face.

After the rain
It's almost done, yay...

verse one:
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
he'll make it through, make it through the night
and you take a minute just to take it all in
and you lean a little closer 'cause you know that I'm your friend
I'm done flipping back calendar pages for good.

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

verse two:
it's almost too late to be today
but we're just getting started
I can feel you breathing, I see why he's brokenhearted
it's just another addiction
he's always felt best when he's on
cheap booze and cocaine
blood and music ease the pain
oh

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

verse three:
When I'm sitting in the grass
in your arms, he can't be on my mind
and even if I glance his way I'm still glad that you're mine
there's something there, there always was
but it's a one way street,
(THIS PART IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION, IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS PLEASE TELL ME. IT'S NOWHERE NEAR DONE. =P)

bridge:
Don't say goodbye, never say goodbye,
it's not the end 'til it's over
don't lose your heart to a woman so cold.
I'm always in your rearview mirror, can't define amazing
You didn't glitter yesterday but I could see the gold
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
we'll make it through, make it through the night.

So it ends.

Still writing songs.

Verse one
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
he'll make it through, make it through the night
and you take a minute just to take it all in
and you lean a little closer 'cause you know that I'm your friend
I'm done flipping back calendar pages for good.

Chorus
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.


I have more, but YOU can't read it. Yet.

You're not alone, never alone.

I talked to that girl
who keeps you alive, she said
what I planned is right.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Just so you know.

That shirt today nearly made me cry, weren't you dying of heat stroke?

<3

Clovers shoved in my
binder made me smile, you're right,
it's my first time, ever.

Those words shattered my
heart, but you're handy with duct tape.
You wore the bracelet.

I would love you anyways.

Words almost disguised
as jokes sting a little, 'cause
they're true, but it's fine.

Pretend you're wrong, but
but we both know you've just talked
me out of bliss. ouch.

Small is how I started too.

I love you even if it's second-best
he's got my heart, not you,
but I'll hold you hand if you want me to,
until and after the scars fade
I'll carve your name into my arm
because he won't be my favorite forever
but you're always there
I can't tell him, I'll never tell him
I can't do that to someone who trusts me
but I'll be watching your hand
if you let me hold it or if you jerk away
I can see the signs from miles.
I love you, goodnight, please be okay.

disclaimer: I didn't mean for this to rhyme. Hence, bad and sporadic rhyme scheme. sorryyyy.

She's in love with the world, but sometimes these feelings can be so misleading.

I noticed [you] staring sadly across the circle, and I know [he] noticed, [he] asked me about it.
Jealously or love, something like that, I'm reading between the maybes, why can't [you] just say it out loud, why can't [you] admit it to me, [yourself], all those other girls you're watching out of the other corner of your eye?
Jealously is stupid, but it's human.
I know, been there, done that.
Love isn't stupid, but [you're] not in it, stop convincing [yourself], maybe [you] like me, maybe [you] like the idea of me, but either way, it's no use, I only want to be [your] friend.
I don't want [you] to be jealous of what I have, even though I've got it all, and I don't want to be the person [you] see when [you] close your eyes or look at [her].
The pretty girl, how do you see me in the pretty girl, how can you look at [her] and see anything, anyone, less than [she] is? Don't look for me in other people, [you'll] just end up hurting them, or [yourself].


And if you can't be happy around me when I'm my happiest, why do you keep coming back?

Money see, monkey do.

I liked his hair, I liked his voice, I thought he hated me. He didn't, he liked me, more than I liked him. He called me babe once, and I laughed, and was convinced he was mocking me. He wasn't, he calls everyone something like that.
And now he's one of the best friends I've ever had.

She was tiny, and graceful, and pretty, and at first glance absolutely flawless.
But it wasn't until I saw the flaws that I was able to love her. She was a spy into his mind on a few occasions, and it was only through doing her a favor that one got done in return, to me. And once she gave me advice that ended badly, but who knows, if I hadn't taken it, things might've been worse.

Our hair was the same length. He was a fascinating stranger who stared at me during rehearsals. One day in the vaum we shared my twizzlers and talked about books and laughed a lot. He was my best friend until he "fell in love" with me. That's really when it all started.

He was quiet, and homeschooled, and scary.
I never thought that one day he'd be able to put his fingers to the keys and make me have a new favorite song.

I don't even remember. How weird is that, I don't even remember our meeting, but I remember seeing her through the glass when my best friend told me a secret by the water-fountain that fateful day. And walking through Carrborro, she was on my friend's other side, and tried on her glasses. And later on, once I was home, he told me he thought she looked lonely, but I spelled her name with two p's instead of three.

The girl I knew from when I was in fourth grade and she was in fifth. She was one of my best friends in the world.
She always said fifth grade was horrible. I wonder now if that had anything to do with liking the straight fourth grade girl in her OM class who told her about the pretty blond boy at her church while they were getting water from the fountain outside the cafeteria? So many secrets get told around water-fountains.

We rode on the bus to drama class together, I didn't want her to be in the class. I went to school with her, I went to church with her, I wanted something that was just mine. But now I love her more than ever, because she's so amazing at making sure awkward moments never happen, and if she whispers in his ear when I'm holding his hand, we can just look at each other and laugh, because she also believes in vampires and zombies.

A smiley face represents all of my mistakes

This is just me talking to myself. You don't have to read it all if you don't want to, it's probably unimportant.

So maybe looking back in time was a bad idea.
I'd forgotten, moved on, or I'd made myself forget.
The latter seems the most likely.
I have about a million ideas swirling around in my head, but I don't know how to make them into poetry.
I don't hate myself, I hate the person I was before.
Before what? Before I knew [her], loved [him], grew up?
The time seemed longer in my mind, but looking back I saw I only gave him six days. It felt like a month, maybe three weeks, two at the LEAST, but nope, six days.
And now I remember that day, six days later. He refused to make eye-contact with me. Instead of sitting with one chair in-between us, he left three. He wouldn't go into improv if I was already there. And this confused me so badly that I didn't notice any of the new kids. I had my orange whistle, yellow tee shirt, and heartbroken twin. I was ready to forget him, both of them, and go flirt with the blond boy I'd met two summers back.
And I had, I forgot both of them, and successfully ignored any potential new friends until three things happened in one night.

1. [she] told me by the water fountain that he still 'loved' me,
2. I saw that [guy] again and remembered all I'd forced myself to forget,
3. [she] came with us to Elmo's, and I suddenly realized that she was a rather cool person.

Somewhere in those two months I became a MUCH better person. Dunno when it was, or why, or whatever. But it's all good...

what?

Facebook calls us all
art freaks and hipsters
unique individuals
talented artists
stand out in the crowd
and yet
our answers
are exactly
the
same.

lol.

See the lady dressed in blue
goat in one hand
sword in the other
searching through the field of daisies
for her lover- HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Sorry. Heh. I just love to torment you.

I made a postsecret today.

I hate it when it's a monday and you can already tell the rest of the week is going to suck.
At least I've got you guys.
...right?

You'll never guess why I like this song. =P

I know that I've been posting a lot of music lately, and it's all really random stuff, but this is a cool song.

Oh, Thunder road, sit tight, take hold.

I've been told I resemble denim

I'll wear Pants tonight
it's a coincidence they're
the only ones clean.

I could do laundry
but I'd rather wear The Pants
appreciate them.

And I just can't live without you, can't you see it in my eyes?

Jealousy is the
ugliest emotion I've
ever felt. This sucks.

I know you're sorry
it still hurt, even if it
wasn't meant like that.

I'd rather get pant
related compliments than
ones about me, thanks.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE

I don't have any money, so I'm writing you a song.
It's not /really/ about you, but... it's FOR you. =P
You'll see it when it's done.
that is all I have to say.

Flickr!

I got a flickr.
My username is Ladygreensleeves.
(It's from an old english ballad, I'm not ripping off Jo.)

You've got me on my knees.

Just stop and take a second, I was fine before you walked into my life.

I enjoy this song.
There are a number of people I want to sing it to.
Except, the straightedge 14 year old version.

And I try to pretend, but I just feel it when we're together.

Eek, like it or not, I'm becoming a Vanessa Carlton fan.
I like this song, a lot.



Mother don't
tell me friends are the ones that I lose
'Cause they'd bleed
before you
but sometimes family are
the ones
you'd choose
It's too late now
I hold on to this life I found

Out there in the spotlight, you're a million miles away.

Someday I hope you're happy with your egotistical pictures of your fake laughter,
they're completely the quintessential image of you.
Are all those good times we've had together just make believe?
The sympathetic glances you gave me when I told you about my issues with him
turn into you rolling your eyes the second I turn my back,
but what you don't get is I love him because he's not like everyone else.
It could be Cameron Cook or Edward Cullen,
but as long as you have a boy who epitomizes perfect in your eyes
you can't fall in love with the person who's right there,
because you're too busy with god-like men you've never spoken to.
And just because he doesn't look like a model and only plays two instruments, well,
that doesn't mean he's not talented, and it doesn't mean he's not beautiful to me.

She has a lot of pretty, pretty boys, who she calls friends.

Our tears washed all my
makeup off, and I’ve never
felt more myself. Thanks.

When you were young.

Your post made me think
I know I'm not a poet
but it keeps me sane.

I also know that
I over think it, and freak out
that's the way I am.

Dunno.

I'll talk to him, it's
scary for me too, if for
different reasons.

Thank you isn't bad
Sorry can wear you down when
it wasn't your fault.

We all have doubts and
we all mess up, it's part of
being a person.

I don't like people
but I like you guys, are you
puffins, mice, or fish?

Will you love me just a little, just enough to show you care?

I agree with him
maybe that's why I'm worried
Maybe he is, too.

Last for tonight.

I should go to bed
no use in waiting up for
someone who's not there.

Advice on something
I can't even think about
why am I so dumb?!

I should stop writing
these addictive poems, I
can't think when I count.

That's a good thing, I
think too much, so does he, ugh,
get out of my brain.

GRAHHH.

Overreacting
to the small things, but he means
everything, sometimes.

I can cry but I
have to breathe, with or without
you, Bono was right.

I hate you, I love
you, get online, I need you
it's impossible.

All you need is love.

The answer's incorrect.

How are you? I'm fine.
Take it one lie at a time.
You don't know my life.

It's a haiku song! Or, part of one. More to come.

You were the same as
always, but I just wasn't
feeling it today.

What happens when the
one thing you can depend on
starts to fade away?

Don't worry too much
Don't assume before you hear
what I have to say.

I didn't mean for
this to rhyme, sometimes somethings
just transpire that way.

You can’t be afraid of failing
When there’s nothing left to lose
And if love is worth fighting for
Then I shouldn’t have to choose
In the end, it’s counterproductive
Somebody has to move

Five seven five, I’m
Counting syllables in hopes
Of keeping sane, and

I’m biting my lip
But I can’t feel the pain , this
New world is so strange

I think there must be
something to the theory, that
anyone can change

You can’t be afraid of failing
When there’s nothing left to lose
And if love is worth fighting for
Then I shouldn’t have to choose
In the end, it’s counterproductive
Somebody has to move

That Helen of Troy
Thought the whole world was her toy
then the city burned.

The sword on your back
is for fighting the flames, don't
get caught in it all.

I gave you wings so
you can fly away from what
may come, fly, don't fall.

<3

The best of us have
doubts sometimes, and you're among
the best. No worries.

I don't know what this is...

I
have
no
idea
what's
happening
to
us
but
I'll
fix
it
if
I
can.

Mm.

I wouldn't judge you
I'd be impressed that you had
the courage to speak.

No matter how loud I turn up the music, I still feel feelings. Fail

Who am I to use
a word like love anyways
stupid on my part.

I raise him up to
a level no one is on
so now I feel sick.

Why am I writing my life story in haikus?

I guess I'll take your
advice, you've never steered me
wrong. Here's to hoping.

Advice has landed
me in plenty of messes
but this can't hurt. Right?

FML.

You were the same as
always, but I just wasn't
feeling it today.

What happens when the
one thing you can depend on
starts to fade away?

Don't worry too much
Don't assume before you hear
what I have to say.

I didn't mean for
this to rhyme, sometimes somethings
just transpire that way.

I guess I'm on a roll. Last one, I swear.

she has the face that
launched a thousand ships, but she's
Unattainable.

Btw.

I forgot to say
she deserves her more even if
it's impossible.

7 is my favorite number, 5 is a third of 15.

I can't encourage
another mistake like the
one we just escaped.

They are not alike
She's a fairy, he is too
Was that mean? Too bad.

Shut up, boy, and eat
your cold toast, she's not even
your favorite one.

Pick one, as long as
she's not me. I hope it is
reciprocated.

That would surprise me
they're not your type. Nor am I.
Make up your mind, kid.

And you say we're too young, but maybe you're too old to remember.

He's back, and then gone
freaked mildly, asked for advice
I was unhelpful.

Stand up boy, I shine so bright when you're around.

I'm trying to write a song, and so far I have bits for two...

There were words in italics.
Things left unspoken,
The words I’d never dare to say to you.
I’ll sell you the truth
for the price of a lie
C’mon, c’mon, look me in the eye, boy.
And say you love me too.

Depressing and totally irrelevant.

You say we’re too young to understand,
But you think their love’s all pretend
Just because her girlfriend’s
more beautiful than yours.
Love’s not a phase, it’s a way of living,
It’s not a choice, it’s two people giving their all
You can’t decide how to fall.
When you see them
In the hallway
And they’re walking hand in hand
I hope it gives you hell to watch
But never understand

A rant at a homophobic friend. Just because her girlfriend's more beautiful than yours... =P

I know it's still ages away, but time flies when you're wasting it.

Your poem made me cry,
not that it’s taking much these days.
I want you stay to watch the flowers die,
but I guess some things I can’t change.
I know I won’t ever be alone
but it’ll feel so strange
Saying goodbye
means going away,
and going away
means forgetting.
So I’m not going to say goodbye,
just
I love you
and
when you can run like the wind
don’t settle for the gentle breeze.

I can already imagine what I'll say. And what I won't.

Well it was weird not talking to you for so long.

That was not even a little bit okay.

I got married! =D

Yeah, because I was bored and lonely... are you seeing a pattern here?

Hah, to David. xP

Is it weird to see him on my relationship status? Or do you even ever visit my page?

It's a business venture only, I think he just wanted to annoy you. I just... am a serial marriage-er.

I missed you. I love you. sfgabgabnagbjahbwshgkjn.

Oh yes.

I'd enjoy having this car. It's a yellow 1965 Ford Mustang Convertible. Yummeh.

some dance to remember, some dance to forget.

If
you
don't
catch
the
hidden
message
in
my
last
post
I'll
laugh
at
you
<3

Learning to read between the lines is a fine art.

I wish I could tell each and every one of you this, but I can't. Won't. Shan't. w/e.


I hope you're right. but I doubt you are.
Love is the weirdest thing ever.
You are so amazing.
Don't do that. You're just going to get hurt.
You are so stupid. And your stupidity is hurting a lot of people.
Ever think of me when you're bored in that stupid class?
Forget it, you're 18, that's just creepy.
It hurts even though I pretend to not mind.
I love you.
Hope you're not lying. 'cause if you are, there will be hell to pay.
You acted like an idiot. Not that I was any better.
Find me on facebook, kid. I miss you.
Yourself? That's all you care about? Yourself?
Even though it's over, I love you more than I did.
If you want it, you've got it.
You are going to drive him insane.
Find yourself.
It is going to give me hell when you leave.
In a weird way, I miss what we had, even though what I have now with him is a million times better.
Me no likey, indeed. bahaha. You're hilarious.