Two hearts are better than one.

11:11, make a wish.
Oh right.
I already have everything I could ever want.
Happiness makes me boring.
Maybe for once I'll sing someone else's words.

She's in love with the world.

But sometimes these feelings can be so misleading.
She calls and says are you alright?
I said I must be fine
because my heart's still beating.

"He's so endearingly in love with you. I love watching other people's love, it makes me so happy."
(Statements like that make me so happy.)

Also, I'm writing a song.
I... don't actually agree with most of it, but, erm... whatever.

V1:
If my heart stops skipping beats
then no, I don't want it
I won't want it anymore
Cassandra and Antigone learned the hard way
I'll collect their mistakes
I'd rather head for the door
you told me it all fades to grey
when love becomes routine
another color drifts away

I'm not the type of girl
to wait by the phone
I can't live in someone else's words
when I've got plenty of my own

chorus:
And in the end, everybody dies alone
and in the end, the peace we fought for can't save us
grit your teeth, teach your children to hate
in the end, it's your only escape from the weight
of the world.

Love, or something ignites in my veins.

And I pray it never fades.
In white houses.

I need something else to talk about.
I need something else to think about.
This might have a little something to do with the fact that nothing happens in my life.
Ever.
Except for weekends, which feel like little clips from someone else's life...
And I can't even remember the good part.
Why the hell can't I remember the good part?!
(All of it's the good part. All of it matters. I can't become her. I won't.)
I need to stop rereading that piece of conversation.

Part of me is counting down the days to June 22nd.
Part of me is trying to make time stand still, and is being pulled kicking and screaming through May and towards July.
It's a weird, ridiculous, horribly torn feeling.

I'm sorry for whatever I've done wrong.
I'm sorry for whatever I've forgotten to do.
Will someone just tell me what I'm screwing up?
I want to be a good person, but I can't be until I know what to do.

[[you'd miss him. you love him. it's possible to love more than just one person, you know. but I'm glad I'm your favorite. I love you.]]

Well.

Virtual hugs are nice, real ones are better.
But you told me just what I needed to hear.


(and if it's all I want to talk about, it's because it's all that's on my mind. Remember that this is new to me still.)

Do you believe in falling in love with a stranger?

If it's love than it could be
a chance worth taking
but how do you decide
which mistake's worth making?

The only thing I don't recall
is that kiss, or is it two?
moments bleed together
when it's me and you.

Chorus:
Ticket stubs for one night stands
glass hearts shatter on the road
to perfection, yeah.
we all know it's over before it began
the situation's out of my hands
so goodbye, and godspeed,
I'll see you tomorrow, in my dreams
in my dreams.

Fate's spinning empty bottles
on the pavement of your heart
if you can't change it
all that's left's to play your part.

think again, check your vital signs,
it's still beating,
everyone cares sometimes
even if you're leaving.

Chorus:
Ticket stubs for one night stands
glass hearts shatter on the road
to perfection, yeah.
we all know it's over before it began
the situation's out of my hands
so goodbye, and godspeed,
I'll see you tomorrow, in my dreams
in my dreams.

You seemed to epitomize
all the lies I'd love to lead
living forever's easy
I'd hoped that you'd agree.

Maybe the pretty girl
isn't the one you need
have you ever thought of that?

Chorus:
Ticket stubs for one night stands
glass hearts shatter on the road
to perfection, yeah.
we all know it's over before it began
the situation's out of my hands
so goodbye, and godspeed,
I'll see you tomorrow, in my dreams
in my dreams.
so goodbye, and godspeed,
I'll see you tomorrow, in my dreams
in my dreams.

Hey hey hey, what do ya say, Sherry darlin'?

bits of songs with no home. let's see where this goes.
(I like tridents.)


Pin it on the other people
you can't see the doubt, it's become
so matter-of-fact that it's true.
woah
there's no looking back for you
tonight you're not the only one
we're back where we've begun
seems to be, suddenly, the circle of life

You seemed to epitomize
all the lies I'd love to lead
living forever's easy
I hoped that you'd agree
false starts and one night stands
glass hearts can shatter on the stepping-stones
to perfection

if you can't keep her out of your mind
she's meant to stay there
you must be dreaming, girl

Trying and failing to write a song, over and over and over...

I have pieces of verses, and hundreds of tunes, but nothing's wanting to come together into a song.
The mosquito bites are fading, but I scratched the one on my elbow until it was raw and it bled a bit. So that's no fun. =P
I like this song, fyi. Listen to it.
(4)

Take Two.

It's funny how an IM can make my heart skip a beat.
If I'm going to bed with that in my mind, I'm never gonna sleep, but that's alright, it's a good kind of tired as hell.
I feel like this ridiculous happiness should come crashing down at some point, like it always does, but it just keeps building and building and building... And to think that, what, a month ago? I thought it was all ending.
My paranoia isn't getting the better of me this time, though.
You told me so.
And you wrote it down.
=)

I know he's not perfect, there's no bubble to pop, but he doesn't have to be.
He's perfect for me.


PS- the only things that are wrong in my life right now are 1- my feet itch. 2- I'm not ready for you to leave. But my feet only itch because I got bitten by mosquitos when I was laying on the grass at weaver street. The second, well, there's nothing I can do about it.
But it still sucks.
So much.
Gah.

He told me so.

=)

Dance, Dance.

"I only want sympathy in the the form of you crawling into bed with me."


1. I thought I knew you better than that. I guess she thought so too.

2. Give it a break, kiddo, I love you, but... that's desperate. I'm sorry.

3. You've never been in love. Stop fooling yourself.

Post number 125, can I get a w00t w00t?

I had a bit of this yesterday, as evidenced by my previous post, and it turned into a song. Woohoo.

Verse one:
It's the day after
the best day of your life
nowhere to go from here
trapped in the hemisphere
of how it was before

And I've been selfish
slammed the door behind me
and I forgot the key
we’ll always have the memories

I'm your second-best friend
and the shadow on your shoulder
I either love you or I hate you
I haven't decided yet
but there's something
ridiculously beautiful
inside your pretty head
and that's what I don't get

Chorus:
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one
in this whole town awake

Verse two:
You smile a little
when I catch your eye
but I know that you're thinkin'
'bout his hand in mine

and it's impossible
just to let it be
all those meddling words
pull me back to reality

I'm your second-best friend
and the shadow on your shoulder
I either love you or I hate you
I haven't decided yet
but there's something
ridiculously beautiful
inside your pretty head
and that's what I don't get

Chorus:
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one
in this whole town awake

Bridge:
you said you thought you knew
who was on my mind
you were right
there's no second-guessing
in this new life of mine
don’t scare the clouds away
I’d rather dance in the rain
This amazing love
Is always worth the pain

Chorus: (decrescendo)
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one
in this whole town awake
(crescendo)
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one
in this whole town awake.

We go down to the river, my baby and I.

Bits of song. No clue where this is going yet. We shall see. =P

When the sun rises they’re all the same
Except for those kids with the incandescent glow
Normalcy isn’t really our way
We learned to cast our shadows on the snow
Eventually you fade back to reality
But for a moment, you’re standing in the sun
For a moment, you’re the only one
worth keeping at all

the day after the best day of your life
no where to go from here
trapped in the hemisphere
of how it was before
If I would notice you
it would be from the floor up

I'm your second-best friend
and the shadow on your shoulder
I either love you or I hate you
I haven't decided yet
but there's something
ridiculously beautiful
inside your pretty head
but that's what I don't get
I'll be your conscious
your worst kept secret
your biggest regret
and your sweetest mistake
and if it's midnight
and you feel like bleeding
you'd better bet that I'm the only one awake

Those Fairytales

I am cranking songs out like crazyyyyy. No idea why, I'm just on a kick, I guess. I wrote the chorus to this a long while ago, but it just now got a song to live in. The verses are being a bit troublesome in the way of a tune, but I think it's worked itself out.
This is the only song I've ever written that has poetic fluff in it, actually, the chorus isn't relevant to ANYTHING, and it wasn't when I when I wrote it, either.
Hmm.
Well, I think it's good anyways? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Verse one
this world can be so insincere
right when no one owes you anything
you find out you've been living a lie
and all the empty happiness
you've surrounded yourself in
isn't keeping you warm
it's buried you alive

Chorus
And it's no use chasing those fairy tales of yours
and it's no use knocking on all those empty doors
And he ain't ever gonna say I love you
and he ain't gonna stay to see it through
But know that he does
and know that he wants to

Verse two
Years and years away from your happy ending
press your fists to the paper
or anything that holds the ink
infatuation's better fitting
the word love is too hard-hitting
the earth is spinning, I can't tell you what to think

Chorus
And it's no use chasing those fairy tales of yours
and it's no use knocking on all those empty doors
And he ain't ever gonna say I love you
and he ain't gonna stay to see it through
But know that he does
and know that he wants to

Verse three
Who would've thought
satan would have
such a beautiful face?
Who would've thought
hell would find you
in such a peaceful place?
And it's just another Sunday
in this awful paradise
another paradox, so logical and concise

Chorus
And it's no use chasing those fairy tales of yours
and it's no use knocking on all those empty doors
And he ain't ever gonna say I love you
and he ain't gonna stay to see it through
But know that he does
and know that he wants to

Coda
you see me in her reflection
but I can't fit in her looking glass
good luck chasing white rabbits
it's a whole other class
of dreaming

And another.

I'm not sure why I've been on such a song writing kick lately, but I wrote another one this morning and I've already begun two more. Last night I started on one, but it was giving me a lot of trouble so it's off in the word document of DOOM, where it'll fester for a while until I look through it, pull it out, and allow it to give me even more grief. I believe this one is called either "Chase the Nightmares Away" or "The Train that's never Coming." If you have any better ideas, tell me. If not, tell me your favorite one in the comments, I guess? =P

Chorus:
Sitting downtown
waiting on a train that's never coming
you rode it once
but in a drug-induced haze
cigarette butts
litter the pavement, clog your mind, can't be mine, that's okay.
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away

Verse one:
I'm reading
between all your maybes
there's traces of how it used to be still left in my eyes
I think of you
and I smile half-heartedly
join the queue, you can hold her hand
while you wait on me
this is where we're at, where we're supposed to be
But you're still lagging behind
the times.

chorus:
Sitting downtown
waiting on a train that's never coming
you rode it once
but in a drug-induced haze
cigarette butts
litter the pavement, clog your mind, can't be mine, that's okay.
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away

Verse two:
She loves you
just as much as she ever did
now that you're through
let the panic sink in
lock the doors,
make sure to burn all your bridges
but keep the key on a chain 'round your neck
you'll never know when you'll need it next
under vanilla skies,
you see the clouds forming
but you don't mind,
you never mind much these days.
Except for sometimes
when the sun's setting
and I feel the need to rub it in your face

Chrous:
Sitting downtown
waiting on a train that's never coming
you rode it once
but in a drug-induced haze
cigarette butts
litter the pavement, clog your mind, can't be mine, that's okay.
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away

Verse three:
armed with band-aids
and lipstick and cue-cards,
I'm halfway there
someone wrote my name backstage
that undeserved reputation is looking back
through cucumber eyes
you know it's hypothetical
and summer was regrettable
but love is never wise

Chorus:
Sitting downtown
waiting on a train that's never coming
you rode it once
but in a drug-induced haze
cigarette butts
litter the pavement, clog your mind, can't be mine, that's okay.
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'm still there to chase the nightmares away
I'll always chase your nightmares away.

I FINISHED THE SONG, YAY ME!

Also, I'm gonna teach this song to Johanna, I believe, as I want to hear it sung.
And maybe she'll allow me to record it?
Who knows. This collaboration could be the start of something beautiful. =P

verse one:
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
he'll make it through, make it through the night
and you take a minute just to take it all in
and you lean a little closer 'cause you know that I'm your friend
I'm done flipping back calendar pages for good.

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

verse two:
it's almost too late to be today
but we're just getting started
I can feel you breathing, I see why he's brokenhearted
it's just another addiction
he's always felt best when he's on
cheap booze and cocaine
blood and music ease the pain
oh

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

verse three:
When I'm sitting in the grass
in your arms, he can't be on my mind
and even if I glance his way I'm still glad that you're mine
there's something there, there always was
but it's a one way street,
I tear up a little but this grief is bittersweet

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

bridge:
Don't say goodbye, never say goodbye,
it's not the end 'til it's over
don't lose your heart to a woman so cold.
I'm always in your rearview mirror, can't define amazing
You didn't glitter yesterday but I could see the gold
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
we'll make it through, make it through the night.

Can't read my poker face.

After the rain
It's almost done, yay...

verse one:
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
he'll make it through, make it through the night
and you take a minute just to take it all in
and you lean a little closer 'cause you know that I'm your friend
I'm done flipping back calendar pages for good.

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

verse two:
it's almost too late to be today
but we're just getting started
I can feel you breathing, I see why he's brokenhearted
it's just another addiction
he's always felt best when he's on
cheap booze and cocaine
blood and music ease the pain
oh

chorus:
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.

verse three:
When I'm sitting in the grass
in your arms, he can't be on my mind
and even if I glance his way I'm still glad that you're mine
there's something there, there always was
but it's a one way street,
(THIS PART IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION, IF YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS PLEASE TELL ME. IT'S NOWHERE NEAR DONE. =P)

bridge:
Don't say goodbye, never say goodbye,
it's not the end 'til it's over
don't lose your heart to a woman so cold.
I'm always in your rearview mirror, can't define amazing
You didn't glitter yesterday but I could see the gold
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
we'll make it through, make it through the night.

So it ends.

Still writing songs.

Verse one
fake smiles are the best kind
and behind closed eyes there's another time
he'll make it through, make it through the night
and you take a minute just to take it all in
and you lean a little closer 'cause you know that I'm your friend
I'm done flipping back calendar pages for good.

Chorus
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.
something about it's so right
something about it's so strange
something about it's so absolutely perfect
after the rain.


I have more, but YOU can't read it. Yet.

You're not alone, never alone.

I talked to that girl
who keeps you alive, she said
what I planned is right.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Just so you know.

That shirt today nearly made me cry, weren't you dying of heat stroke?

<3

Clovers shoved in my
binder made me smile, you're right,
it's my first time, ever.

Those words shattered my
heart, but you're handy with duct tape.
You wore the bracelet.

I would love you anyways.

Words almost disguised
as jokes sting a little, 'cause
they're true, but it's fine.

Pretend you're wrong, but
but we both know you've just talked
me out of bliss. ouch.

Small is how I started too.

I love you even if it's second-best
he's got my heart, not you,
but I'll hold you hand if you want me to,
until and after the scars fade
I'll carve your name into my arm
because he won't be my favorite forever
but you're always there
I can't tell him, I'll never tell him
I can't do that to someone who trusts me
but I'll be watching your hand
if you let me hold it or if you jerk away
I can see the signs from miles.
I love you, goodnight, please be okay.

disclaimer: I didn't mean for this to rhyme. Hence, bad and sporadic rhyme scheme. sorryyyy.

She's in love with the world, but sometimes these feelings can be so misleading.

I noticed [you] staring sadly across the circle, and I know [he] noticed, [he] asked me about it.
Jealously or love, something like that, I'm reading between the maybes, why can't [you] just say it out loud, why can't [you] admit it to me, [yourself], all those other girls you're watching out of the other corner of your eye?
Jealously is stupid, but it's human.
I know, been there, done that.
Love isn't stupid, but [you're] not in it, stop convincing [yourself], maybe [you] like me, maybe [you] like the idea of me, but either way, it's no use, I only want to be [your] friend.
I don't want [you] to be jealous of what I have, even though I've got it all, and I don't want to be the person [you] see when [you] close your eyes or look at [her].
The pretty girl, how do you see me in the pretty girl, how can you look at [her] and see anything, anyone, less than [she] is? Don't look for me in other people, [you'll] just end up hurting them, or [yourself].


And if you can't be happy around me when I'm my happiest, why do you keep coming back?

Money see, monkey do.

I liked his hair, I liked his voice, I thought he hated me. He didn't, he liked me, more than I liked him. He called me babe once, and I laughed, and was convinced he was mocking me. He wasn't, he calls everyone something like that.
And now he's one of the best friends I've ever had.

She was tiny, and graceful, and pretty, and at first glance absolutely flawless.
But it wasn't until I saw the flaws that I was able to love her. She was a spy into his mind on a few occasions, and it was only through doing her a favor that one got done in return, to me. And once she gave me advice that ended badly, but who knows, if I hadn't taken it, things might've been worse.

Our hair was the same length. He was a fascinating stranger who stared at me during rehearsals. One day in the vaum we shared my twizzlers and talked about books and laughed a lot. He was my best friend until he "fell in love" with me. That's really when it all started.

He was quiet, and homeschooled, and scary.
I never thought that one day he'd be able to put his fingers to the keys and make me have a new favorite song.

I don't even remember. How weird is that, I don't even remember our meeting, but I remember seeing her through the glass when my best friend told me a secret by the water-fountain that fateful day. And walking through Carrborro, she was on my friend's other side, and tried on her glasses. And later on, once I was home, he told me he thought she looked lonely, but I spelled her name with two p's instead of three.

The girl I knew from when I was in fourth grade and she was in fifth. She was one of my best friends in the world.
She always said fifth grade was horrible. I wonder now if that had anything to do with liking the straight fourth grade girl in her OM class who told her about the pretty blond boy at her church while they were getting water from the fountain outside the cafeteria? So many secrets get told around water-fountains.

We rode on the bus to drama class together, I didn't want her to be in the class. I went to school with her, I went to church with her, I wanted something that was just mine. But now I love her more than ever, because she's so amazing at making sure awkward moments never happen, and if she whispers in his ear when I'm holding his hand, we can just look at each other and laugh, because she also believes in vampires and zombies.

A smiley face represents all of my mistakes

This is just me talking to myself. You don't have to read it all if you don't want to, it's probably unimportant.

So maybe looking back in time was a bad idea.
I'd forgotten, moved on, or I'd made myself forget.
The latter seems the most likely.
I have about a million ideas swirling around in my head, but I don't know how to make them into poetry.
I don't hate myself, I hate the person I was before.
Before what? Before I knew [her], loved [him], grew up?
The time seemed longer in my mind, but looking back I saw I only gave him six days. It felt like a month, maybe three weeks, two at the LEAST, but nope, six days.
And now I remember that day, six days later. He refused to make eye-contact with me. Instead of sitting with one chair in-between us, he left three. He wouldn't go into improv if I was already there. And this confused me so badly that I didn't notice any of the new kids. I had my orange whistle, yellow tee shirt, and heartbroken twin. I was ready to forget him, both of them, and go flirt with the blond boy I'd met two summers back.
And I had, I forgot both of them, and successfully ignored any potential new friends until three things happened in one night.

1. [she] told me by the water fountain that he still 'loved' me,
2. I saw that [guy] again and remembered all I'd forced myself to forget,
3. [she] came with us to Elmo's, and I suddenly realized that she was a rather cool person.

Somewhere in those two months I became a MUCH better person. Dunno when it was, or why, or whatever. But it's all good...

what?

Facebook calls us all
art freaks and hipsters
unique individuals
talented artists
stand out in the crowd
and yet
our answers
are exactly
the
same.

lol.

See the lady dressed in blue
goat in one hand
sword in the other
searching through the field of daisies
for her lover- HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Sorry. Heh. I just love to torment you.

I made a postsecret today.

I hate it when it's a monday and you can already tell the rest of the week is going to suck.
At least I've got you guys.
...right?

You'll never guess why I like this song. =P

I know that I've been posting a lot of music lately, and it's all really random stuff, but this is a cool song.

Oh, Thunder road, sit tight, take hold.

I've been told I resemble denim

I'll wear Pants tonight
it's a coincidence they're
the only ones clean.

I could do laundry
but I'd rather wear The Pants
appreciate them.